FEAR – Does just
reading the word make your stomach turn? Does it conjure up images of
man-eating sharks, chainsaw massacres and world domination by George W?
Not so fast, let’s leave those definitions of fear where they belong – in
Hollywood.
Real fear, the fear
that I’m talking about is much more horrific than any director can create on
the big screen and it has more victims than all the shark attacks and chainsaw
massacres in the world combined.
Everyone is aware of
the common fears afflicting our world: fear to take chances, fear of rejection
and fear of commitment. But the most hidden and least talked about fear
of all is the fear of success. How could anyone be afraid of
success? Well, let’s continue on this course of madness and soon it will
be smooth sailing.
Fear never launches an
assault without his allies of self doubt and worry, these reinforcements are
necessary to ensure his victory. Each time fear is victorious he promotes
his prodigy: self depreciation. Fear’s stronghold grows with each battle,
however infinitesimal it may seem until eventually the enemy, and make no
mistake, we are the enemy to fear, is broken down and we become
paralyzed.
For example, let’s take
my friend Emily. She’s young, bright, assertive and committed to becoming
a lawyer. She’s withstood the grueling effort to finish law school.
The only thing standing between her and the completion of her dream is passing
the Bar exam. The first time she wrote it she failed two
components. The second time she wrote it she failed just one
component. Now before you get judgmental about Emily you should know that
failing the Bar is common and is no indication of her abilities.
The process of
elimination alone and a study of her success trend in previous attempts would
indicate that on her third try she will succeed. But there’s only one
problem, now that she has the exam in hand she can’t write because she can’t
get past the fear of failing. Or is it the fear of success masked as fear
of failure that is holding her back?
She told me she
couldn’t do anything except cry, she was stuck, or more accurately, she was
paralyzed. She was unable to see the completion of her dream that was
right in front of her – just one component of the bar exam away. She had
forgotten about all the years of success it took to bring her to this place she
was at right now. My advice to her was simple: tell fear to F off and
write – you will succeed.
Fear is like a weed –
each time you rip one out, another one pops up a few days later. That is
why, like the Gung Ho gardener we must be diligent in our on-going maintenance
of ripping out fearful thoughts before they can take root.
But like the covert
weed, Morning Glory with its big and beautiful blooms, sometimes fear fools us
into believing that it’s protecting us and without it we would perish from some
horrific fate. But fear, like the vines of Morning Glory, is strangling
the life out of all those seeds we previously planted that are just below the
surface about to break through.
We nourish Morning
Glory, watering it and feeding it and if that wasn’t enough we even perpetuate
it by transplanting it to other areas of our garden and give it to our friends
to propagate.
And in the ultimate act
of self depreciation when we notice something small poking through the surface,
that one seed we did plant ourselves that has managed to escape the strangling
grasp of Morning Glory’s roots – the seed of the lifelong yearning to be a lawyer,
start a business, have a baby, get married or write a book - what do we
do? Kapow! We rip it out because it threatens to take away space
from the weed that we have nurtured, this low maintenance, quick growing
intruder that has taken over our garden, the one we never planted but are quick
to accept because it’s easy to sustain requiring no work from us.
Eventually the blooms
disappear and we are left with an ugly, twisted and gnarly mess that we don’t
even recognize as the garden we once envisioned and we wonder how we ever
allowed it to reach this state.
And just as some will
argue that Morning Glory is not a weed and that fear is not bad but a necessary
human emotion to keep us safe - one only needs to look at the
definition of this treacherous weed for understanding.
“This weedy vine will
twine all over your garden, covering your plants to the point of smothering
them. It is usually introduced by stray seed or invasive roots from under
a neighbor’s fence. Its success as a weed lies in its thick fleshy roots
which travel long distances just under the soil surface. The real trick is to
get at it early or it can be very hard to control. Control lies in
complete removal of the root system. Hand weeding can remove large
quantities of roots, but any broken pieces are capable of sprouting new
growth. Repeated, persistent digging as the new growth sprouts can
deplete the food reserves. Eventually this weed will die and your garden
will be returned to its most natural, fertile state capable of sustaining life
for the seeds you want to cultivate.”
The true art in
gardening – as in overcoming fear is to recognize what is a weed and rip it out
consistently and persistently until there are no stragglers left behind to take
root again. Action will obliterate fear every time. And by the way, there
is no such thing as a man-eating shark, only shark-eating men.
Adventures Await!
Follow up to this
article: Emily passed her bar exam
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